Dating is Stupid!

Yes. I said it! Dating is stupid. Mind you, that's just how I feel; however, I feel this way all the time. During good times and bad. You ask, why do you feel this way? My answer. BECAUSE IT IS! I hate the whole thing! The calling, the not calling, the waiting for a call/text, the question if I should call/text, the want for attention and not receiving it, the communication, the lack of communication, I think you get the point. I hate it all!!!

I believe my entire dating life started off on the wrong foot. I never really got the hang of choosing the right guy for me. I don't really know the meaning of this thing called a "healthy relationship." I don't blame this on anyone, I guess it's just my fault. Who to choose? What to believe? What do I deserve? things of that sort. I just don't know. I'd rather be alone and want someone close to me at the same time. I've had so much hurt, I'd rather beat them to the punch. I don't see the point anymore. I don't want to love anymore, but I do.

Maybe I'm giving the past too much power. I just don't see the point in letting someone in, who may hurt me the worst in the end. Why open yourself up to pain? Fuck that! Life hurts enough without giving someone permission to kill your soul. (I know that was super dramatic.)

I sit and listen to friends' realtionship problems and I hear my beautiful sisters hurt and angry and sad, and I wonder if I really want to go through that again and again. I don't want to hurt again, but does it hurt more to go without those experiences? Love brings the most excruciating pain there is. They leave. They die. They hit. Isn't that enough for a lifetime? How can I trust another person, when I've been shown that I can only really count on myself? God, of course, but as far as man? I can't. I give and give. What do I get back? Nothing. Ever. I'm a loving person, but it hurts to give it away. I care too much. I give too many chances. I don't know. I'm clueless.